My Musings

He’s Silent and I’m Mad…

stock-footage-woman-praying-in-churchPsalm 42:9 I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”

Patricia walked into the massive church. The cool air that kissed her face was a welcome change from the scorching sun that had punished her soft light brown skin during the ten minute walk to the chapel that was close to her office. She quickly covered her wild curls  with a silk scarf and made her way to the altar. Patricia stared at the massive cross, tears started to form in her eyes as she remembered the price Jesus had paid for her salvation. She knelt and bowed her head.

 For the past couple of months she spent her lunch break here. She remembered the look of love and admiration  on his face when he kissed her good-bye. Recently she had begun to feel unworthy of his love. Why should he love her this much when for three years she hadn’t been able to provide him the one thing she knew he wanted more than anything;  a child. Despite what he said, she saw his face light up anytime he was with his nieces or the boys he coached on the weekends. Why was her own case different?

 Her tear ducts had a mind of their own as she began to sob uncontrollably.  She stood up and began to pace back and forth across the altar with her arms wrapped around her slender five foot two frame. Her strides becoming more forceful as her anger rose. After several minutes, she began to speak. “Father, I have fasted and prayed that now I don’t even know what else to say. I’ve cried so much that the tears no longer flow. I’ve been hoping for as  long as I can  remember. I’m struggling Lord, I’m struggling to hold on. Every Sunday I go to church and hear the testimony of others, all around me things seem to be changing or moving in the right direction for others but my prayers seem to be hitting some kind of wall. You’re silent Lord and I’m angry.” 

Patricia or Pat as her husband fondly called her felt a sudden chill in the room. She turned around and the sanctuary was  empty. She was tired. It was barely twelve thirty p.m. and the energy seemed to be sapped from her. She sat in front of  the altar in silence, her anger now subsided. After about fifteen minutes, she got up, dusted off her skirt and began making her way out. She didn’t have it in her to pray today. As she approached the last pew, she saw a man seated close to the aisle.

“Good afternoon, I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was anyone else here,” she said. He wasn’t the Pastor she remembered here maybe he was new. Oh I hope he didn’t hear me venting. She thought. The man smiled at her then scooted over making room for her to sit close to him. She sized him up, looked at her watch, she had just ten minutes to spare. Patricia looked at the door unconsciously seeking the nearest exit.

“Sit my daughter,” he encouraged. She sat down cautiously.

“I don’t what you are going through nor will I pretend to know how you feel but there is a God who does….”

 “I don’t know about that..” She scowled. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound angry, I’m just frustrated,” she quickly explained. He must think she is a bad Christian for being angry.

“Don’t apologize. There are many instances in the bible where great men and women of God felt that God was silent. They were angered by it and expressed it. Hannah expressed it when she went to the temple to pray as if she were crazy, David asked God countless times why He had forsaken him. Elijah asked God to end his life but God wouldn’t, the list goes on and on. So its ok to have feelings BUT, and here is the key always remember, that as Christians, we should be steadfast and have  the ability to perseverance as this brings about good character. ”

“Don’t be weary in doing good. Your due season might be taking way longer than you expected, He might seem silent and it is ok to get upset, but the key is not to STAY in this state. Every time David asked God why He was forsaking him, he never ended it with the same anger or depression he started the Psalm with, he ended it with Praise!!! Acknowledging the fact that He is no lesser a God in confusion than He is in a state of peace. We owe it to God to praise Him in all circumstances, His grace is sufficient and will give us strength while we wait for our due season   “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:19.”

Patricia breathe a sigh of relief and bowed her head, placing her face in her hands. After a few moments she let out another sigh and lifted her head. He was gone! She panicked and stood. She picked up her bag, and the piece of paper that fell from on top of it. She crumpled it in her hand and hurried out of the chapel, not looking back or stopping until she got to her desk.  What  just happened? Who was that? She opened her fist to look at the paper she had been too scared to read. In bold writing was

 Therefore boast all the more gladly about your weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on you.

 What are you waiting on? Be encouraged!