Ndewo nu! Good day and welcome. I’m so excited but at the same time by heart is sad. Unless by some divine intervention, my family and I will be bidding you farewell after my youngest son’s story is released in October. Chai! It has been so great meeting you all and telling our story.
Ewo! Where are my manners? For those who aren’tt aware, my name is Obiageli Danjuma. I’m the mother of those Danjuma brothers you’ve heard so much about. If you’re reading this and havent heard about them..why now? Ah ah why? Mba nu nu. No we can’t have that…quick, quick go to Amazon and download your copy of our books. The first one is A Scoop of Love and the second on is Anchored by Love, then my baby’s book will be out in October. It is titled Mended With Love. You can go ahead and buy it now so that day…nothing will stop it from sliding into that thing you young people use to read…ehn..Kindle.
Anyways, let me tell you why I’m here today taking over Unoma’s online home. Those who now me, know that I’ve only talked about my sons. I try not to talk about my own struggles but since you will be reading Kamal’s story soon and I’ll be saying goodbye, let me talk about myself a little.
My Shame: My only crime was love. No matter what anyone says, you cannot chose who the heart loves. I loved Zayd Danjuma. What was there not to love? He was charming, handsome, wealthy and he made me happy. I knew deep down that his religion would be a problem for my family. You see he was a Muslim and I Christian. I had some solace or so I thought in the fact that we lived in London and he was not a traditionalist. He never treated me bad. In fact his boys were his pride and joy. Or again so I thought. He is deceased and I don’t want to talk bad of the dead but how our lives turned out wasn’t what he promised me. All those nights we lay between the sheets, or when he whispered little nothings in my ear, his promise was forever. How was I to know that my forever would span only 10 years?
Yes, I should’ve known something was up when he wouldn’t take me home with him. Yes I should’ve known when I didn’t even speak to his family on the phone. Yes, I should never have cut off communication with my own family. I have no excuse but to say I was young and naive. When I took my first soon Rasheed to Nigeria to look for him after he’d disappeared for a year…and seeing him with another family. A piece of me died. The pain and shame was worse than death. I had given up everything for him and he did me like that?
My Struggle: When a woman loses her husband to death, society looks at her different than if she is divorced but they look at you with disgust if your husband walked out on you. In a culture where “the woman is supposed to build the home” the woman is also blamed for its breakdown. As though I married myself. No one blamed Zayd, I was to blame for “not knowing it would happen.” After all you are a Christian and he was Muslim they said as though abandonment is limited to religious preference. True it was a contributing factor but at the heart of it was Zayd’s character.
He isn’t here to defend himself and he did right his wrong or try to. First he tried to when Rasheed was twenty and my ejimas (twins) where 16. He also gave them money in his will but the struggle he put us through, will never be forgotten. I tried to shield the boys the best I could. My deepest regret is I didn’t do it enough and exposed them to too much. You’ve read the stories…hmm. But God has been merciful
My Triumph: When my husband came back for the boys, he asked for forgiveness and I gave it. My sons, not so much. I had to in order to resume living. Did I talk to him again? No. Reconciliation is not a condition of forgiveness. Some people are not just meant to be in your life again. Funny how we never divorced each other.
But for a long time I hung my head in shame. I felt like a failure. Through grace, God picked my head up. With His favor, my sons held my head high. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t be ashamed of an action I had nothing to do with. Zayd made the decision to leave. Read Rasheed’s story and judge if his reason was noble or not. He, Zayd put us in that circumstance so there was nothing I had to be ashamed about. You see shame wanted me to believe I’m unacceptable but grace made me see that no matter what, I’m cherished by a living God.
So my friends be encouraged always.
Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered in shame ~ Psalm 34:5
I have to go now. Nkechi just told me my footballer player son is on that Sykpe thing. Let me go and answer him. I hope he is calling to say he has found a wife. A good girl. I will be back on Wenesday to talk about overcoming loss and then Friday to talk about my baby Kamal a little more.
Biko, E jor, please if you have not ordered these books, go and do so now. I heard they are on sale through out this tour season. Just click here
Daalu nu. Ehen, any question you have for me, ask it in the comments and I will answer them. God bless all of you.
Hi y’all this is Unoma, I hope you enjoyed Mama D. It was lengthy but informative right? She’ll be back later this week. Remember drop her a comment below.