Tag Archives: fatherless Sons

Men At Work: An Unbalanced Work Life

Hey there! This is Unoma. Happy Labor Day… most are off in the US but today I want to start our Men At Work discussion with the Danjuma brothers. Oh by the way, did you catch Mrs. Danjuma’s features last week? If you didn’t just go to the home page and access them, Today we’re talking to Rasheed Danjuma. The day his father walked out of their lives, Rasheed swore to himself that failure would never be an option. His number one goal was to prove to his dad that he was capable of being something and taking care of his mother and brother by himself. Now let’s read his own words. Did he let that desire consume him?

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Hello Everyone, this is Rasheed or Stone Cold as my nutty brothers like to call me. Thank you to Unoma & all the readers who have supported us during this journey. Baring our souls and telling our stories isn’t something that came easy. However, since my pops( it feels weird calling him that. For so long I’ve called him “the one who contributed to my genetic make up) decided to disturb my life in London by dying and summoning me back home, I was game for Unoma writing our stories.

Today, I’ve been told to talk about how the absence of my pops affected the way I work. You’ve read my story, you know growing up without a father had a huge impact on me. What? Wait…you haven’t read the story? Why. It’s $1.99 I know you can afford that so just click here and get your copy.

I’m the first son as you know and in any African culture especially Nigeria where we are from, that’s a serious role. Even if your father is with you, you still have responsibilities. With mine gone, I felt the pressure. He was a coward when he cracked and left us and I was determined not to do the same. That determination was the sole driver behind my unbalanced life.

Obiageli Danjuma looked at her son.“Who are you deceiving_ Your family isn_t the only reason you decided to stay in Nigeria. I have Ibiso to thank for that.” 
She paused  for a

The betrayal, rage and hurt I felt, drove my desire to be better than my pops. But then that desire became toxic. Nothing else mattered. Despite what my brothers thought, I had lady friends but they were far and few in between. Love was taboo for me, look what it did to my mom. So no, I wanted none of it. I lived an unbalanced life married to my desire to succeed.

So what is success? Before I speak on that, let me tell you some of the lessons I’ve learnt:

  • Your past has the ability to mold you. You have to make sure it’s molding you the right way. Use God’s Word as a road map.
  • Motives for Success. The Bible talks about the motive behind our actions. Make sure yours do not have its root in “self”.
  • This is a practical tip…when “busy” gets in the way, reflect on your core values, then create reoccurring time blocks around them. That way nothing suffers.

I will leave you with a few of my favorite quotes. My wife put them in a frame in my home office. You remember how I almost lost her? That same toxic desire reared its head and nearly cost me dearly.

Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.
Betsy Jacobson

We have overstretched our personal boundaries and forgotten that true happiness comes from living an authentic life fueled with a sense of purpose and balance.
Dr. Kathleen Hall

Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.
Stephen R Covey

When King David was about to die, this was the advice he gave is son, “Do what the LORD your God commands and follow his teachings. Obey everything written in the Law of Moses. Then you will be a success, no matter what you do or where you go” (1 Kings 2:3)

That my friends is the true foundation of success.

Rasheed Danjuma

 

 

 

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A Mother & Her Sons~Obiageli Danjuma

Ha! My people Ndewo nu! How are you all? We’ve come to the end of our time together o. You’ll hear from me again in the book Mended With Love. Releasing Oct 6th. First let me give you a little visual of the family.

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Today I want to talk about my sons. Umu m oma (that means my good children) The last time I spoke to you, about them in particular, you were getting ready to meet my second son Jabir. Hmm, I smile when I remember the roller-coaster he and Damisi took us on. Their back and forth nearly drove me to drink but the enemy did not win. I was on my knees for those two because even after seven years apart, they couldn’t make up their minds. I’m thankful to the I am that I am that He finally got Jabir to surrender and be the man he was made to be.

So let me give you an update. Ibiso and Rahseed are still doing great. My diokpara, (that’s what my people call first son) still shows his hard exterior but pay him no attention, Ibiso has softened what matters most, his heart. She’s his perfect match. Yohance is their blessing from God.  Despite not growing up with one, Rasheed is a great father. I praise God for them both.

I did the best I could with 3 boys. My only regret is exposing them to too much.I worried about them, until they met these women I know call my daughters

Jabir and Damisi are waxing strong as well. Those media people wanted to run them mad, but my God pass them. The news cycle has since changed and they finally allowed my daughter, Damisi to have peace of mind. You see, even though Jabir & Dami were no longer in Nigeria, old fans were still  sending her silly messages that time. But you see how God works, now, she’s being praised for her new blog Mosiac. I want to encourage you reading this, know that joy always, always comes in the morning. God will always turn your mess into a message. People may sway but God will be God, unchanging. As I’m talking to you now, I’m getting my Visa processed to go and see them. I don’t usually stay long o. I love my home but I go and refresh and come back. I miss my granddaughters but Jabir set my phone up so I can see them and talk to them…chai, what is it called?? Ehen Facetime or I use that Skype thing when my service works.

Now to the reason why I’m here, you’re about to meet my last son, my baby, my trouble maker. My son Emeka, his full name is Kamal Chukwuemeka Danjuma. I call him Emeka for short. The full name means God has done so much. Oh wait, I remember you people know him as Kamal or is it Kammy? I don’t call him that, he’s the only one I call by his Ibo name. He was given that name at birth but I started using it when he turned over a new leaf. Emeka has come a long way from his childhood. Eewo! That child gave me problems, I know he was hurting from his dad’s absence because he was closest to him. I praise God for how he has turned out, don’t misunderstand me, his wahala (trouble) is still a lot but he has made me so proud.

Recently I have started noticing his hot head is reappearing. They think I don’t know, that he has been in the news recently for nonsense behavior. My children don’t know that know that Nkechi, you remember her, the young lady that lives with me…ehen she helped me put that Instagram on my phone. I don’t know what is wrong with him, but I know he needs the love of a good woman. Not the one that will see him and think he is now her lottery ticket. Ha! Mba nu nu. As far as I’m alive, I will not allow that happen to him. He needs a woman who cares about him. The man and not that football thing he’s doing.

Anytime he comes home, as soon as he leaves, one girl or the other is greeting me extra hard at church or the market or wherever they see me. They go as far as asking to come cook for me. I don’t know what he has told them but I see their eyes shining for gold and silver. I just return their greeting and go my way. No, I don’t need you to cook for me my dear, that is how I answer them. I guess they forgot who my daughter-in-law is. If it is cooking my Ibiso has that area covered.

I know Emeka has this oyinbo ( white) girlfriend there in America.  Although he never told me o, I use that Instagram to see these things. Since he hasn’t told me, it’s not serious, that’s my conclusion so I won’t say anything. So, just like you, I’m waiting to see what he is going to do with his life.

I want to thank Unoma for telling the stories of my sons and I. I also want to say Daalu nu for reading, your comments, reviews and enjoying our stories. At the time my husband left us, I didn’t foresee this outcome. I knew God had us and wouldn’t forsake us but the way my sons have turned out is just a blessing.

Ok, I will go now, remember to take one last ride with us with Emeka’s story. You can pre order it now. I suggest you do that so when the book is ready, you have no stress.

If you haven’t read Rasheed and Jabir’s story…ah! You’re missing o, see where you can order  them. They say is is a holiday in America this weekend, so just get whatever beverage you drink and settle down to read the books. The family and I will see you in the book Mended by Love coming to you Oct 6th. We’ll catch you up more then.

 Next week my son Rasheed  and his wife Ibiso are taking over…treat them well o

Daalu Nu. Chukwu gozie unu(God bless you)

Obiageli

 Hey y’all Unoma here. I hope you enjoyed Mama D. I had fun bringing another sie of her to you. Do what she ssaid order the series or preorder Mended With Love if you’ve already read the other books. You can do that here

Have a Safe weekend. Blessings

Unoma

#ReintroductionTour: Behind The Smile; Obiageli Danjuma

Ndewo nu! Good day and welcome. I’m so excited but at the same time by heart is sad. Unless by some divine intervention, my family and I will be bidding you farewell after my youngest son’s story is released in October. Chai! It has been so great meeting you all and telling our story.

Ewo! Where are my manners? For those who aren’tt aware, my name is Obiageli Danjuma. I’m the mother of those Danjuma brothers you’ve heard so much about. If you’re reading this and havent heard about them..why now? Ah ah why? Mba nu nu. No we can’t have that…quick, quick go to Amazon and download your copy of our books. The first one is A Scoop of Love and the second on is Anchored by Love, then my baby’s book will be out in October. It is titled Mended With Love. You can go ahead and buy it now so that day…nothing will stop it from sliding into that thing you young people use to read…ehn..Kindle.

Anyways, let me tell you why I’m here today taking over Unoma’s online home. Those who now me, know that I’ve only talked about my sons. I try not to talk about my own struggles but since you will be reading Kamal’s story soon and I’ll be saying goodbye, let me talk about myself a little.

Copy of I did the best I could with 3 boys. My only regret is exposing them to too much.I worried about them, until they met these women I know call my daughters(1)

My Shame: My only crime was love. No matter what anyone says, you cannot chose who the heart loves. I loved Zayd Danjuma. What was there not to love? He was charming, handsome, wealthy and he made me happy. I knew deep down that his religion would be a problem for my family. You see he was a Muslim and I Christian. I had some solace or so I thought in the fact that we lived in London and he was not a traditionalist. He never treated me bad. In fact his boys were his pride and joy. Or again so I thought. He is deceased and I don’t want to talk bad of the dead but how our lives turned out wasn’t what he promised me. All those nights we lay between the sheets, or when he whispered little nothings in my ear, his promise was forever. How was I to know that my forever would span only 10 years?

Yes, I should’ve known something was up when he wouldn’t take me home with him. Yes I should’ve known when I didn’t even speak to his family on the phone. Yes, I should never have cut off communication with my own family. I have no excuse but to say I was young and naive. When I took my first soon Rasheed to Nigeria to look for him after he’d disappeared for a year…and seeing him with another family. A piece of me died. The pain and shame was worse than death. I had given up everything for him and he did me like that?

My Struggle: When a woman loses her husband to death, society looks at her different than if she is divorced but they look at you with disgust if your husband walked out on you. In a culture where “the woman is supposed to build the home” the woman is also blamed for its breakdown. As though I married myself. No one blamed Zayd, I was to blame for “not knowing it would happen.” After all you are a Christian and he was Muslim they said as though abandonment is limited to religious preference. True it was a contributing factor but at the heart of it was Zayd’s character.

He isn’t here to defend himself and he did right his wrong or try to. First he tried to when Rasheed was twenty and my ejimas (twins) where 16. He also gave them money in his will but the struggle he put us through, will never be forgotten. I tried to shield the boys the best I could. My deepest regret is I didn’t do it enough and exposed them to too much. You’ve read the stories…hmm. But God has been merciful

My Triumph: When my husband came back for the boys, he asked for forgiveness and I gave it. My sons, not so much. I had to in order to resume living. Did I talk to him again? No. Reconciliation is not a condition of forgiveness. Some people are not just meant to be in your life again. Funny how we never divorced each other.

But for a long time I hung my head in shame. I felt like a failure. Through grace, God picked my head up. With His favor, my sons held my head high. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t be ashamed of an action I had nothing to do with. Zayd made the decision to leave. Read Rasheed’s story and judge if his reason was noble or not. He, Zayd put us in that circumstance so there was nothing I had to be ashamed about. You see shame wanted me to believe I’m unacceptable but grace made me see that no matter what, I’m cherished by a living God.

So my friends be encouraged always.

Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered in shame ~ Psalm 34:5

I have to go now. Nkechi just told me my footballer player son is on that Sykpe thing. Let me go and answer him. I hope he is calling to say he has found a wife. A good girl. I will be back on Wenesday to talk about overcoming loss and then Friday to talk about my baby Kamal a little more.

Biko, E jor, please if you have not ordered these books, go and do so now. I heard they are on sale through out this tour season. Just click here

Daalu nu. Ehen, any question you have for me, ask it in the comments and I will answer them. God bless all of you.

Obiageli.

Hi y’all this is Unoma, I hope you enjoyed Mama D. It was lengthy but informative right? She’ll be back later this week. Remember drop her a comment below.

Blessings

Unoma