5 Tips for Overcoming Loss & Loneliness by Obiageli Danjuma

Ndewo nu! I’m back again o.. Today, I’m talking about how I overcame loneliness and loss. If you didn’t read my post Monday, you can check it out

God didn’t create man to be alone. He looked at Adam and determined there it is not good for him to be alone. He has instilled in each of us a desire to be loved and have connections to another human being. When that need that was created by God’s design is not fulfilled, we become unhappy.

Why do people have the notion that when you’re a believer, you have to be “on” all the time. We Christians suffer from depression and loneliness too. I suffered from it. My 10 year attachment to my husband was snatched away from me and left me void. I had no family in London, no real friends so yes I loved Jesus but I was unhappy. I was hurt, pained and angry.

The difference however between a believer and a non believer is that we know that the solution to all our issues lay on the cross. (Disclaimer: If you’re suffering from clinical depression or any other mental disorders please see a medical professional) One relationship should trump all relationships and that’s the one we have with our personal Savior, Jesus Christ. Once we have accepted His abundant life in our hearts. we can take practical steps to work on us.

Copy of I did the best I could with 3 boys. My only regret is exposing them to too much.I worried about them, until they met these women I know call my daughters(2)

Here is what I did:

  1. I accepted I had an issue. God can’t do anything with who I pretended to be. I approached the throne and told Him what He already knew. I was broken and needed help.
  2. I accepted what I couldn’t change. I couldn’t make Zayd  come back to me. So it was time to move on. I had boys to raise.
  3. I changed what I could. I moved myself and the boys from West London to East London. A fresh start in a new environment.
  4. I joined a new church, meditated on the Word day and night. I also took up a new hobby: Clothing designs. That worked out because Rasheed opened a boutique for me in Abuja 🙂
  5. I made new friends. One was Tega’s mother, Victoria. You see, we worked the night shift in my new job then together. Her husband was deceased, while mine walked out but we both experienced loss. You’ll read about Tega in Kamal’s book.

Loneliness can be overcome but it starts with a renewed mind that is determined to break from its grip. Ask God for the courage to try new things and trust that His will is always perfect for you.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead Philippians 3:13

Obiageli.

Hey y’all this is Unoma. I trust you’re enjoying this time with Mama D. She’ll be back on Friday. Don’t forget to get the series as it is currently on sale. You can order here

Blessing

Unoma

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#ReintroductionTour: Behind The Smile; Obiageli Danjuma

Ndewo nu! Good day and welcome. I’m so excited but at the same time by heart is sad. Unless by some divine intervention, my family and I will be bidding you farewell after my youngest son’s story is released in October. Chai! It has been so great meeting you all and telling our story.

Ewo! Where are my manners? For those who aren’tt aware, my name is Obiageli Danjuma. I’m the mother of those Danjuma brothers you’ve heard so much about. If you’re reading this and havent heard about them..why now? Ah ah why? Mba nu nu. No we can’t have that…quick, quick go to Amazon and download your copy of our books. The first one is A Scoop of Love and the second on is Anchored by Love, then my baby’s book will be out in October. It is titled Mended With Love. You can go ahead and buy it now so that day…nothing will stop it from sliding into that thing you young people use to read…ehn..Kindle.

Anyways, let me tell you why I’m here today taking over Unoma’s online home. Those who now me, know that I’ve only talked about my sons. I try not to talk about my own struggles but since you will be reading Kamal’s story soon and I’ll be saying goodbye, let me talk about myself a little.

Copy of I did the best I could with 3 boys. My only regret is exposing them to too much.I worried about them, until they met these women I know call my daughters(1)

My Shame: My only crime was love. No matter what anyone says, you cannot chose who the heart loves. I loved Zayd Danjuma. What was there not to love? He was charming, handsome, wealthy and he made me happy. I knew deep down that his religion would be a problem for my family. You see he was a Muslim and I Christian. I had some solace or so I thought in the fact that we lived in London and he was not a traditionalist. He never treated me bad. In fact his boys were his pride and joy. Or again so I thought. He is deceased and I don’t want to talk bad of the dead but how our lives turned out wasn’t what he promised me. All those nights we lay between the sheets, or when he whispered little nothings in my ear, his promise was forever. How was I to know that my forever would span only 10 years?

Yes, I should’ve known something was up when he wouldn’t take me home with him. Yes I should’ve known when I didn’t even speak to his family on the phone. Yes, I should never have cut off communication with my own family. I have no excuse but to say I was young and naive. When I took my first soon Rasheed to Nigeria to look for him after he’d disappeared for a year…and seeing him with another family. A piece of me died. The pain and shame was worse than death. I had given up everything for him and he did me like that?

My Struggle: When a woman loses her husband to death, society looks at her different than if she is divorced but they look at you with disgust if your husband walked out on you. In a culture where “the woman is supposed to build the home” the woman is also blamed for its breakdown. As though I married myself. No one blamed Zayd, I was to blame for “not knowing it would happen.” After all you are a Christian and he was Muslim they said as though abandonment is limited to religious preference. True it was a contributing factor but at the heart of it was Zayd’s character.

He isn’t here to defend himself and he did right his wrong or try to. First he tried to when Rasheed was twenty and my ejimas (twins) where 16. He also gave them money in his will but the struggle he put us through, will never be forgotten. I tried to shield the boys the best I could. My deepest regret is I didn’t do it enough and exposed them to too much. You’ve read the stories…hmm. But God has been merciful

My Triumph: When my husband came back for the boys, he asked for forgiveness and I gave it. My sons, not so much. I had to in order to resume living. Did I talk to him again? No. Reconciliation is not a condition of forgiveness. Some people are not just meant to be in your life again. Funny how we never divorced each other.

But for a long time I hung my head in shame. I felt like a failure. Through grace, God picked my head up. With His favor, my sons held my head high. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t be ashamed of an action I had nothing to do with. Zayd made the decision to leave. Read Rasheed’s story and judge if his reason was noble or not. He, Zayd put us in that circumstance so there was nothing I had to be ashamed about. You see shame wanted me to believe I’m unacceptable but grace made me see that no matter what, I’m cherished by a living God.

So my friends be encouraged always.

Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered in shame ~ Psalm 34:5

I have to go now. Nkechi just told me my footballer player son is on that Sykpe thing. Let me go and answer him. I hope he is calling to say he has found a wife. A good girl. I will be back on Wenesday to talk about overcoming loss and then Friday to talk about my baby Kamal a little more.

Biko, E jor, please if you have not ordered these books, go and do so now. I heard they are on sale through out this tour season. Just click here

Daalu nu. Ehen, any question you have for me, ask it in the comments and I will answer them. God bless all of you.

Obiageli.

Hi y’all this is Unoma, I hope you enjoyed Mama D. It was lengthy but informative right? She’ll be back later this week. Remember drop her a comment below.

Blessings

Unoma

The Danjumas Are Baaaaccck!

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been MIA but you know that when I go MIA from here, I’m deep in the trenches of the writing cave.

Well I was 🙂  and I am proud to say that book 9 is done and it is… drumroll please… It is book 3 and the finale of the Sons of Ishmael series, Mended With Love. Yep, after a year long absence, the Danjumas are back. And boy they’re going out in style. I have so much planned and I’m excited to share it with you.

You can read the synopsis and an excerpt of Mended With Love here Don’t forget to pre- order while you are over there.

So as I said, there is a lot scheduled in anticipation for the October 6th release. Check it out below and again do not forget to order your copy of the new book. Kamal Damjuma is like no other character I’ve written. He is not all put together..LOL but he is so sweet.

 

tou

Here’s a little snippet from the brothers…

“How you gonna get through the airport?” Rasheed asked.
“I got this PYT who slides me through when I need to go unrecognized.”Kamal zipped up his bag.
“PYT huh?” Rasheed shook his head. “If Jabir can change so can you.”
“Nah bro, Jabir and I ain’t the same… he acted like he had game while crying over Dami. Me? I really got game. The ladies love the kid.”
The Danjuma Brothers….are back!!!

soi

Don’t forget to order your pre-order your copy of Mended With Love here.

Blessings

Unoma

Anchor Talk: Do You Have The Right Weapons? This is War!

Verse is taken from 2 Corinthians 10 4-5  the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

Help me see me the way you see me O Lord

Limiting belief are those thoughts and beliefs that hold us back. They do this by making us live less of an life that we should. It has to do with the way we see ourselves and or think of the way others see us. The issue with this is that these beliefs are all in our imagination.

Ex Not enough time, procrastinator, resources, lack motivation. These are all thoughts that resided in our minds that we allow to take over and halt us.

So lets break down the verse we just read or the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;

  1. Casting down imaginations… What are those things that are not even true you keep thinking about?
  2. Every that exults itself higher than the knowledge of God…What are you dwelling on that is in total contradiction to the nature of who God is.
  3. Bring those thoughts into Obedience of Christ.

Listen to the full show here

Hope in God comes from the ability to turn the bad thought in your dark, grey or meantime places, good.

Anchor Verse: His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Don’t forget to leave a review.

Blessings

Unoma

 

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